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The New York Times bestselling memoir of abusive love - available everywhere
26 stay-at-home and career moms face off on their choices, their lives, and their families.
ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP WARNING SIGNS
(from Dr. Phil Show)
- History of past battering
- Threats of violence
- Breaking items in anger
- Use of force during arguments
- Unreasonable jealousy
- Controlling behavior
- Over-involvement in the relationship
- Verbal abuse/​blaming others for problems
- Cruelty to children/​animals
- Abrupt mood changes

WHAT TO DO IF YOU ARE BEING ABUSED
- Call the police
- Avoid becoming isolated
- Confide in someone
- Fight the shame; no one deserves to make you afraid
- Keep a record (including pictures) in a safe place
- Develop an emergency safety plan -- keep spare keys, money and clothes in a safe place, and know where you can go in the middle of the night
- Consider ending the relationship as soon you can

The Crazy Love Project

Shared Stories of Surviving Domestic Abuse

Strength of Abused Women

July 29, 2010

I spent five years in an abusive relationship, all the while not believing I was a "battered" woman. I didn't get hit everyday, so I wrongly assumed that label didn't apply to me. No one knew in my life either - I went to work everyday and did a good job. I was 35 years old.

This man was the love of my life, my best friend, he GOT me. I gave myself up, mind, body and soul to him. He was erratic, emotional, passionate and violent. He almost killed me one cold December. When he would get violent, he'd make me strip naked - he knew I wouldn't leave the house like that.

I had opportunity finally and left almost 8 years ago. I rebuilt my credit (something else most women don't know but not only do they psychologically suffer, they are usually bankrupted as well by their abuser) and eventually bought my own home. I went into hiding for two years without a permanent address and moved out of state. I'm back home now, but will permanently have to be "in hiding." He called my ex-husband's home A YEAR AGO looking for me. I do know what will happen if he ever finds me and it won't be nice. He promised a long time ago he'd finish what he started if I ever left and "betrayed" him. I don't live in fear anymore, and I've come a long way from the woman I was 8 years ago even when I left.

Abused women are incredibly strong - you have to be in order to survive what goes on within your home every single day. I was glad to read your epilogue that you had remarried and had children. Eight years later, I can't even trust enough to go on a date - I don't trust myself enough to make a good choice, it's too scary.

Thank you for your book - if it stops just one woman when they get that first "off" feeling with a man, then it's saved someone. Thank you for your courage.

-- A

Comments

  1. January 13, 2011 4:54 PM EST
    How well I understand what you went through. I have just written a book titled FOR WORSE NEVER BETTER: Diary of An Abused Wife and Escape to Freedom. It is a memoir taken from diaries I kept for 18 years to try and understand what I was living and why. You can purchase it on Authorhouse.com, Barnes and Noble or Amazon. Check out the reviews. A portion of the proceeds will be donated to Domestic Violence centers. You can reach me @ pennevan@yahoo.com. Let me hear from you!
    - Penelope Van Buskirk
  2. June 1, 2011 10:07 PM EDT
    You did the right thing! You were courageous. My hat is off to you; I am not as strong as you are, but I hope to be.
    - Amy
  3. February 1, 2014 6:53 PM EST
    I was introduced to my current beau by my sister who has dated abusive/controlling men for the past fifteen years. I was months out of a relationship turned sour, and met her at a bar I entirely loathe that night; for one, because that's the only place she'll hang out with me, and two, because I had missed her birthday party the week before because I was busy locking my ex out and calling the cops as he got out of hand while collecting the rest of his thing from an apartment we use to share.

    Four months later what lead me to call the cops then, pales in comparison to what I've navigated since with my boyfriend. I grew up hearing stories of what my aunt's put up with from my mother, as her way of deterring us from so-called bad men. I had an idea that we had to stick together, and pull eachothers heads out of a supposed fog when we were in the thick of it. I had a conversation with my cousin a couple years back about how it appeared as though abusive men were tolerated at this point with my sister- who I can't get to have an honest conversation with me within the parameters of her vice to be controlled, as I test the possibility that there's a riddle in all this I'm not wise to yet in my own fresh, and abusive relationship.

    My boyfriend says that he respects that I won't let him know where I live after threatening a roommate from my last place. I've won violent battles with him- fulfilling a deep seated fear of what I was -am- capable of should anyone ever assault me; because I scarcely recall breaking a chair over his legs and hitting his head with an iron frying pan as a result of months of accusations, pulling my hair, and things terrible enough I'm admittedly reluctant to admit- I've tolerated out of absolute loss for how I got here.

    I heard Leslie Morgan on a TED talk last night say that she didn't consider herself an abused woman, that she felt like a strong woman for handling it at the time. I have a real problem with the notion of being a victim, and so does my current beau.It's through those shades that I have dealt with past trauma, and think we have a real shot at benefitting and growing from our experiences together thus far. It's through these stories I find myself asking if I'll end it when the going is good or wait for it to be tough again.

    I sincerely appreciate you sharing your story.
    - b

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