Thank you for writing your book 'Crazy Love.' It was such a powerful read for me. I left an emotionally abusive husband last February. I did not endure the physical abuse that you did - he punched me one time and grabbed me and made physical threats when I decided to leave. But the covert emotional abuse is what beat me up over and over.
The parts of your story that I really identify with are the times when you talk about being so relieved when he would show you love again after abusing you. A friend of mine compared this to being a trained dog - the dog gets yelled at or hit and he cowers and backs away into a corner or under a bush waiting for a sign of love. When he gets that sign he is so happy and wagging his tail again and jumping for joy. The dog gives unconditional love even though his owner betrays that love over and over. As abused women we were that trained dog!
I remember thinking over and over - I wish he would hit me so I had a reason to leave. I knew that I was not comfortable with what he did but could not even explain it or justify it to myself as a good reason to leave. How would I explain it to anyone else? So I figured that any successful relationship had hard times like I went through and I just need to deal with it and become a better person from it.
I also had a hard time accepting that I could be an abused wife. I have a master's degree, lived in a nice house, had a great job - my husband was handsome, dressed nicely, had a high-power job, was well-respected in the community. I was not a women who lived in a trailer and had a husband who was unemployed and sat around drinking beer - you know, the type of woman who is abused.
But I am out now and on my way to a better life of loving myself. I vow to never lose myself for love again. And again - I thank you for writing this book. You are an inspiration to many women. I would love to make a difference like you have!