October 27, 2009
Thank you for writing your book 'Crazy Love.' It was such a powerful read for me. I left an emotionally abusive husband last February. I did not endure the physical abuse that you did - he punched me one time and grabbed me and made physical threats when I decided to leave. But the covert emotional abuse is what beat me up over and over.
The parts of your story that I really identify with are the times when you talk about being so relieved when he would show you love again after abusing you. A friend of mine compared this to being a trained dog - the dog gets yelled at or hit and he cowers and backs away into a corner or under a bush waiting for a sign of love. When he gets that sign he is so happy and wagging his tail again and jumping for joy. The dog gives unconditional love even though his owner betrays that love over and over. As abused women we were that trained dog!
I remember thinking over and over - I wish he would hit me so I had a reason to leave. I knew that I was not comfortable with what he did but could not even explain it or justify it to myself as a good reason to leave. How would I explain it to anyone else? So I figured that any successful relationship had hard times like I went through and I just need to deal with it and become a better person from it.
I also had a hard time accepting that I could be an abused wife. I have a master's degree, lived in a nice house, had a great job - my husband was handsome, dressed nicely, had a high-power job, was well-respected in the community. I was not a women who lived in a trailer and had a husband who was unemployed and sat around drinking beer - you know, the type of woman who is abused.
But I am out now and on my way to a better life of loving myself. I vow to never lose myself for love again. And again - I thank you for writing this book. You are an inspiration to many women. I would love to make a difference like you have!
--P.
Comments
Unfortunately, I cannot acclaim the freedom of leaving and finding myself again... I find myself stuck in an emotionally, psychologically, and economically abusive marriage.But I have begun to peel away the denial blinders: aka "for better or for worse" and "if I love him enough, he'll eventually come around and change".
I've been so worried about the effects divorce will have on my three small children, ages 7,4, and 1. But I am constantly haunted by their grim future with this abuse cycle and the ones they choose to love someday.
I've begun educating myself online and happened across this website. After promptly ordering the book, I have already begun to feel a sense of empowerment and strength like I havn't felt in a long, long time.
Yes, emotional abuse hurts. It hurts bad. I'm not the only one who's hurting here, either. It's time throw a wrench in this crazy cycle! :)
Luckly I now have a wonderful man in my life, who understands what I went through and has been more than patient with my "recovery." Unfortunatly, I still work with my ex-husband, who wants to remain friends, but I'm a lot better in dealing with him when he starts to slip into his old habits.
P - You may be the only one I've ever heard to admit having the same thought I did. "I wish he would hit me so I would have a reason to leave." My husband of 30 yrs. controled me and manipulated me. If I disagreed with him, I was "causing trouble", "a difficult wife",not fulfilling the roll of a "Christian wife".
A very long story short, when I recognized he basically owned my life, who would believe what I was living with was abuse? On top of that, he was a "great guy". I ended up being the "angry woman" but I'm free!!!