July 24, 2009
I wrote this poem on June 24, 2005 two months before I left my husband at sixty-five years after forty-three years of marriage.
IT (Domestic Violence)
IT sits in my stomach!
IT aches in my heart!
IT encompasses my being.
II chokes at my soul.
IT kills my spirit!
IT eats at my thoughts!
IT puts a cloud all around me!
IT swallows my self-esteem!
IT is ugly!
IT is cold!
IT is angry!
IT is empty!
IT is controlling!
IT is powerful!
IT is painful!
IT is sad!
When my therapist first described me as a victim of domestic violence( Aug. 2005), I was shocked.Other women were victim of domestic violence but I never included myself in that category. On the outside, I lived a charade; in a beautiful house to which I was happier leaving that returning. Frankie my husband and I were perceived as a devoted Catholic couple, parents of a loving family of four children, and pillars of the community. No one knew or suspected what went on inside our house, not even our closest friends or family. Once our doors were closed, the clouds of anger, power and control spread over it. In reality we were living hell on earth inside our house. There were periods of calm but the suspense of not knowing when the abuse would erupt left my children and I in a constant state of uncertainty and fear. I spent my entire marriage making excuses of Frankie's behavior, protecting his good name and covering up the abuse.
I have worked very hard for the last four years. I am a survivor of domestic violence. I have resurrected myself out of the ashes of abuse into a world of love and freedom. I am committed to helping other women, especially older women who are living in abusive households believing there is no way out. I learned the door was always there. It was up to me to have the courage and strength to make the first move; open it and leave. It took me forty-three years. It is never too late!
--ML
Comments
You prove that no matter what age you are, no one deserves to be hurt. Good for you! Many Blessings !!
I don't know what kind of abuse you are dealing with, but regardless, all your reasons for doing nothing are classic. My heart aches for you. As always happens, he has made you question yourself and convinced you to turn over your power. IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT!!!
God Bless You!
R